We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
