You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
