she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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