They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
