Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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