you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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