Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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