Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
