Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
