I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize