that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
