I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize