Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
