Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
