And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
