i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
