My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
