I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
