What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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