wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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