i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
