i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize