I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
