I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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