whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
