Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We left an ass print on the piano.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
