The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
