Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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