You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
