you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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