i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
