you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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