I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize