I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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