I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
