I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
