Non-Jews are for practice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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