Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
