Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he was CRYING into my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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