I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
