Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
