Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
