there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
