I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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