Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
