It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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