There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize