i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
