did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
