dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
