I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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