oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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