I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize