I got chris browned last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
