Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
