Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
