There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
