my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
