soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
