before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
