Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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