I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
