Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize