And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Farmville is her only friend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
