Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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