I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
