I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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