Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
