I wish I could teleport
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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