So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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